Should I Stay or Should I Go?
by angkat14
Summary: It's been five years since they've last seen each other, and now, at the Order's get together party, he saw her again...some things changed, some things didn't. What's keeping them apart? (HarryGinny fluff...)


**Author's Note:** My very first Harry/Ginny fic. I've been planning to make one for a long time, preferably a multiple-chaptered one, but this turned out to be a very fluffy one-shot.

I might make a prequel if I can manage to think of a decent plot. (",)

**Disclaimers Applied!**

**SHOULD I STAY OR SHOULD I GO?**

* * *

There she was. A big smile on her face as she greeted and chatted with her long time friends.

It's been a long while. Such a long period since he'd last seen her. And she surely changed a lot.

No longer was she the smiling but shy and insecured girl from the years back in Hogwarts – stuttering in front of him.

Right now, she walked with her head held up high, her strides poised and an aura of confidence surrounded her.

She was a young woman who knew what she wants.

No longer was she the brilliant young girl, but with eyes shining in innocence.

Right now, the brilliance was still there, but it says how experienced she was – seeing the world and knowing things a woman her age rarely achieves.

She was a young woman who can be cruel by letting you fall then easily break your heart.

And yet, there were some things that didn't change.

Like the sincere and warm smile she gave her friends.

The way she animatedly talks.

And the way he felt about her.

Yes, five years had passed and still nothing changed.

If ever, the change he discovered in her only intensified his feelings.

And still, he was still there…just watching her.

Always _just_ watching her.

Not having the guts to actually approach her because he had been stupid once – when he was still immature and a bit thick.

He wasn't immature now, and yet, that simple mistake affected the way he acted towards her up until now.

"Harry?" Luna, one of her best friends, called him. He turned to smile at her. "Join us, will you?"

He accepted the invitation out of civility. He didn't want to join their table. Not when she was with someone.

And he spent half an hour of torture.

It wasn't fair that while he was sitting there across her, talking to her friends and answering all their questions, especially as to why, up to now, he remained single, she talked to that someone like they have their own world to themselves.

It wasn't fair that while he squirmed and his heart slowly died with every smile she gifted that someone with, she can glance around, look at him and smile sincerely at him – as if they didn't have an issue in the past.

It wasn't fair that while he was sitting there with them, that song had to play, that he could do nothing but steal glances at her and realize that while he desperately wanted her to react to the song, she remained nonchalant about it.

Yes, life wasn't fair.

And at last, when he could no longer take it, he excused himself, giving a lame reason that he needed some air and time to be alone, and went outside, finding a bench where he could sit for the time being.

Ten minutes passed by in silence…and he started humming the tune of that song.

Then he heard the footsteps approaching him.

He turned around.

And found her there, a smile on her pretty face.

"That song always reminded me of you," she said and he felt his throat suddenly drying.

And for all those five years he wanted to see and talk to her, he could not find a word – _any_ word for that matter, to say to her.

"Can I sit beside you?" she asked, not deterred by his lack of words.

He nodded.

When she had settled beside him, that was when he noticed the two butterbeers she was carrying. Unaffected of the way he watched her, she offered him one.

He took it, and accidentally brushed his finger against hers.

And still he didn't say anything.

"Have you suddenly forgotten how to speak, or is it just me that you don't like talking with?" she suddenly asked, tilting her head slightly to her right to look at him fully.

"No, I'm sorry. I guess –" he glanced at her, "well, I'm not really used to talking to you after, well…"

He was interrupted by her sudden laughter. "I was just kidding, Harry," she managed to say in between breaths.

"Oh."

And then she turned serious. "It was a long time ago, Harry. You can't possibly thinking about it 'til now."

"I –" he didn't really know what he should say so he shut his mouth again.

"You know," she began softly, "you really should do something about your speaking ability when it comes to me."

"I'm really sorry…for everything."

She shrugged. She knew exactly what he was talking about.

It was during his seventh year when it happened. And the thing that he thought would be the most impossible thing to happen did happen. He fell madly in love with Ginny Weasley – the girl he had always thought would always just be a little sister to him.

And now that he remembered it, it wasn't really hard falling for her. Not when Hermione and Ron acted a little bit more careful towards him as if he were some fragile being about to break anytime if they didn't handle him with care.

She was the only one who made him feel normal.

And yet they weren't what you can call close friends.

They talked about everything, fought about everything and did everything together.

And in the middle of the war and all that was happening around, they fell in love.

Yes, they loved…and lost.

Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived, thought that everyone he loves were being taken away from him when he needed them most – his Dad, his mum, and Sirius.

Yes, he blamed himself for his godfather's death and even if it was completely beyond anyone's comprehension, he blamed himself for his parents' death. Because for him, he was completely, utterly, the biggest bad omen alive – the boy who lived – and everyone else died.

And he couldn't bear to add another burden to his name…he didn't want Ginny to die because of him.

And so, he went on his way – leaving Ginny badly broken and lost.

Ginny was in seventh year – the Head Girl of her year – when Harry managed to defeat Voldemort.

And in the process of killing the Dark Lord that must not be named, he had eventually forgiven and freed himself.

Though some may call it he simply matured and began to understand that there are things that just weren't in his control.

He hadn't seen Ginny since then…yes, he heard a lot of news. And who wouldn't when your best friend was her brother?

But Merlin knows how badly he wanted to see her. And yet, he knew he couldn't. Not when he's been hearing news from Ron like _Ginny was dating this bloke from so and so._

He couldn't afford to enter her life again just when he knew he was out of it.

A closed chapter.

Though her chapter in his life would remain open forever. Waiting.

Just in case.

"Though I'd like you to know that I didn't regret leaving you," he said before he could think.

And with the way she suck her breath, he knew how cruel he must have sounded. "Err, not in that kind of way, Gin. At least, now, knowing you're safe and away from harm –"

"Ron and Hermione were your close friends, too, Harry. But you didn't make the move to distance yourself totally from them," she said softly.

"Well, I didn't love Ron and Hermione the way I lo-"

His eyes widened when he realized just what he's about to say. He stood up abruptly "I should go."

"No, wait." she said, grabbing his arm to prevent him from leaving. "Please. Stay with me, Harry."

He looked at her, eyes full of anguish. "You're with Colin now, Gin."

She looked confused, then a small smile tugged at the corner of her lips. "Am I?"

At that statement, he looked confused. "I saw the way –"

And she laughed again. Just like the old times…when she used to laugh at him for being – well, for being so bloody stupid. "Oh, Harry…sometimes you bring such joy in my life because you're so bloody stupid!"

He spluttered his disagreement with her, but then comprehension dawned. He allowed a small smile to reach his face.

She tugged at him to make him sit down, and even after he complied, she didn't let go of his arm. "He was asking me for some advice for his relationship, that's all."

"Oh yeah?"

He looked doubtful, so she scooted closer to him and leaned on his shoulder. "I thought Ron kept you abreast with everything that's been happening in my life?"

"Well, I," Harry began, then looked at her, only to find her stifling her laughter. He couldn't believe the nerve of the woman. "Ginevra Weasley! What have you been doing this five years when I was away?"

At that, she launched into another fits of laughter. Few seconds more and she eventually calmed down. "It wasn't my fault, really? Ron kept telling me he told you this and that. He also told me what has been happening to you all along."

"What?!"

She leaned away to look at him and smirked at him. "Haven't dated a single woman the entire time, huh?"

And, oh, to his horror, he blushed a deep crimson redder than her hair. His secret was out. Ginny Weasley knew that he was still in love with her. "I, um, just –"

"Yes Harry?" She said in mocking sweetness.

"N-nothing," he stuttered. "I should go."

He stood up and walked away, once again making the mistake he made years ago when he was still younger and stupid.

It clearly showed he didn't change much when it comes to this girl.

However, she apparently did.

Because before he could get far, she ran after him, grabbed his arm, whirled him around and kissed him. Kissed him with all the pent-up frustrations and longing stored inside her. Kissed him as if her whole life depended to him.

And he responded with the same ardor she had.

He broke the kiss before it could get more serious. He'd proven sometime in the past that kissing Ginny Weasley in a private place can become really dangerous for his safety – what with her six brothers, almost all of them pranksters. "Ginny –"

"I'm not going through that again, Harry Potter, do you hear me? I'm not. And believe it or not, I'm not going to die simply because you love me. So, let me go straight to the point. This will be your last chance. Should I stay or should I go?" she said, eyes looking at him defiantly.

He looked afraid…as though this decision is a matter of life and death. And in a way, it was. And he wasn't ready for it.

But since when had he been ready for anything in his life? His parents was taken from him even before he realized he could talk. Sirius was the same thing. And he'd been destined to fight Voldemort way back before he knew he's a wizard.

This shouldn't be new to him.

Nothing new to him at all.

"I, uh, don't…please stay, Gin," he said almost desperately, still holding her. And in the back of his mind, he knew, he could stay like this forever. With her in his arms.

"Is that what you really want?" she asked softly, looking up at him.

He looked at her deeply in the eye. "No, that's what I need."

She smiled, tears gathering at the corner of her eyes. "Alright."

* * *

That night, after the get-together party of the Order of the Phoenix, at No. 12 Grimmauld Place, after five years of dreaming of her, here she was, a soft smile on her face as she sleep.

There were things that changed, like the tighter way she held onto him, and the more beautiful face she presented to him.

And yet, there were just some things that stayed the same. Like the way her hair spilled on the pillow, her scent tickling his nostrils…

Or the way she slept in his arms and looked so much like the way she belonged to him.

* * *

**Author's note: **Ha…it was done! What can you guys, say? Please review!


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